Nintendo to Sell SNES Classic Directly to Scalpers

June 26th, 2017 – Nintendo today announced the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES) Classic. The follow up to the smash hit but extremely hard to find NES Classic. The system will come packed with 2 controllers, HDMI output, and 21 games including the previously unpublished Star Fox 2.

In a rare, forward thinking move, Nintendo also announced that in an attempt to mitigate the limited supply of these systems they will be producing, they will be cutting out the middleman in it’s sales chain and sell the consoles directly to scalpers and eBay re-sellers.

When reached for comment, Nintendo retail representatives said “The free market needs to do it’s job and accurately determine the cost of these systems. Supply and demand will guide these systems into the hands of the people most willing to pay for them. We don’t need Gamestop and Best Buy selling these at MSRP and getting a cut and denying that money to hard working watch salesmen down on Canal street.” When asked about what saving the consumers can expect to see from this, Nintendo stated that they will save 1000’s of dollars on marketing costs, but that won’t really make it’s way down to consumers.

When we reached out to Reggie Fils-Aimé, Nintendo Americas president and COO, and asked why Nintendo doesn’t just manufacture more units to meet the obviously high demand, Reggie said “We don’t need your filthy fucking money. Fuck you and your dollar bills.”

 

*this was a satirical article. If you didn’t get that before reading this disclaimer, please don’t return to my site.
Protoaddict
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