Bunker (Block)busters

If you are anything like me, you are rapidly planning to move your life into an underground bunker for the next 4 years, where you can bury your head in the sand and wait for this to pass or for a large scale plague to take care of it all for us. I want to be the first to assure you that is the correct move, and good on you for planning ahead!

But being all about that BunkerLife™ can be lonely. Days and nights merge into one as time moves on, and other than your daily rations and workout schedule, you really have nothing much to do to kill the time. The older generations may have been OK to kick back and read a book, but your a tech savvy GenX’er / Millennial and you need some electronic entertainment. You didn’t just run on that treadmill generator all that time just to get in shape for emergence day did you? So here I present to you my list of the top games you’ll want to bring with you as you wait out the end times. Think of it as a shopping list for this coming Christmas, the last Christmas before you will never feel that warmth and love again.

America, 2017

America, 2017

 

Enter the Gungeon (or any Rougelike)

A rougelike or dungeon crawler is going to be your best friend in the dark cavern you now call home. You only have so much storage to wait out 4 years so you need to maximize your gaming utility. Procedurally generated games will provide the best gaming to shelf space ratio. Any rougelike you are partial to will probably be fine, I recommend Enter the Gungeon myself because of its difficulty curve. 4 years is probably not enough time honestly if you really want to get to the end, but certainly it will occupy a lions share of your waking hours. Other honorable mentions for this slot are The Binding of Issac or Torchlight 2.

 

Crazy Taxi

You are going to need some contrast while you are down in your new isolated world. It’s dark and gloomy underground, so why not grab a game that is going to serve the purpose of brightening up your color pallet and put a smile on your face. The frenetic pace of Crazy Taxi, combined with its sunny color scheme will make you remember fonder times, times before all our money was on fire and when Las Vegas was not beachfront property. Just make sure to grab a copy with the original soundtrack, because nothing will kill your buzz faster than hearing the stock music version of the game boot up.

Get used to seeing this mug a lot

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Government or City Sim

It may go without saying, but when you come out of your bunker any shred of society that is left will likely be roving bands of Anarcho-Fascists. The raging battles that will ensure between then and the BernieBro revolution collective are going to be bloody and never ending, fighting tooth and nail until neither remain standing. Basically a clean slate that the smart of the survivors will be able to mold into a new society dominated by reason and facts. Not an easy task for someone who studied Photoshop and poetry in college, so your going to want to bulk up on your world and government building skills. Now what title you pick here really depends on what you want to make of your fledgling new world. Most of you are going to want to grab a copy of Civilization VI to get a good, well rounded set of leadership and management skills, though I suspect there are a few of you out there who imagine its going to be more like Black and White out there, and you may not be wrong. Both of those titles are great options, though at this point RollerCoaster Tycoon may be more applicable than anything.

 

Nintendo Track and Field and Duck Hunt

Stay fit and stay frosty. We are not kidding when we say its going to be bad out there and these are skills you are going to need.

 

That’s about it, but obviously depending on how classy your bunker is you may have some extra shelf space, so feel free to ad a smattering of personal favorite titles to the list. I’ll only caution you two things before we wrap this up though. First of all, you may be tempted to bring one of the Fallout titles with you. Don’t, it’s going to be far to depressing and far to real when you see how damn well near utopian that society looks compared to what you are going to have to deal with. Secondly, is to get moving. By all estimations you have until January 20th at the latest, but as we have all recently learned, anything can happen between then and now. Godspeed.

Protoaddict
Linguist, Archeologist, Musical Savant, Robot, Asshat. Only one of these apply to this guy. The host of the show, who also sometimes writes and makes videos!