Loot Crate Review – June 2016


What box did we get? Loot Crate “Dystopia” – June 2016
What is it? Loot Crate is a monthly themed subscription box that sends subscribers an assortment of toys and products. It is specifically for genre fans and often has exclusives.
What does it cost? From $17.95 to $19.95 monthly for the US, depending on your subscription level
Was this one worth it? Probably not for veteran looters.

It has been a hot second since I have written one of these, but I think it is high time I got back on the horse, and then subsequently ride that horse straight off a cliff.

This months Loot Crate was themed “Dystopia.” Dystopia in Loot Crate speak means mostly older properties that we could licence on the cheap. Seriously I’m surprised there is not a Heavy Metal or Iron Maiden thing in this box some of the properties are so old at this point. Who’s your audience Loot Crate? WHO!

Fallout Dorbz (Value $5 average on eBay)


My first reaction to this was “what the hell is a Dorbz?” Then I realized it was both a spin off toy line from Funko, as well as a sad reminder of the slow and ever present erosion of the English language that is being perpetuated by a corporate structure that is forever trying to cash in on trends by exacerbating them to the point of damaging the very fabric of our society. Totes, amirite?

It’s yet another god damn vinyl statue of a thing I only sorta give half a shit about. Shelf space comes out a premium now days and I am not wasting it on a generic fallout thing. That space is reserved for Babymetal Pops if anything. Auction fodder or give away.


Matrix Jigsaw Puzzle (Value – $4 average on eBay)


I know by most standards The Matrix is a pretty current property, but it seems like it came out eons ago. How relevant is this property to people younger than me?

I mean, jigsaw puzzles are fun. Once. And it really does not matter what picture is on them so it’s not a total waste. Rainy day item, and by that I mean maybe we can put it in the bunker for the end of the world where we don’t have the internet or video games.


Robocop shirt (Value – $10, maybe more in the future if people dig it)


WHAT? Robocop? Original Robocop? I mean I am going to rock this shirt hard. People are going to be envious of how hard this shirt gets rocked. But I’m 34 years old and I lived on the cusp of this movies relevance. Most of the kids subscribed to Loot Crate, like are they even old enough to remember Starship Troopers? Are they going to know what Verhoeven means when I say something is Verhoevenesque, which is something I say like 4 times a day?

I am going to see some 17 year old wearing this within the next few weeks and I am only going to have a single reaction:


Bioshock Infinite Key (Value – $5ish)


In principal I think this is an interesting item. Based on the Bird and Cage key from the game, you can actually get this key cut and use it provided the grooves in the thing match your lock. That’s cool. Neat idea Loot Crate.

Now let’s talk about the reality of doing that. Hardware stores make money off selling blanks, not the actual act of cutting them. I’ve never walked into a hardware store with a blank key before. I feel like it’s going to be a strange encounter for most people. Also you know how many bad cuts I have had before that had to be tossed in the trash. It would be even better if I didn’t use a keysmart which completely invalidates the kitsch of this. All I’m saying is maybe be ok if this does not work out.


T2 Metal face garbage (Value – garbage)


It’s some stupid metal face thing. How many versions of this skull in different mediums am I going to get from Loot Crate? I would say throw it out but it’s metal so you should recycle it. Maybe you can get like a 5 cents deposit for the trouble.


Bomb Pin (Value – $7 average on eBay)


I normally do not review the pins because they feel like a filler item, but they have been getting much better for a while now. Where they used to just be crappy buttons now they are full on soft enamel ala Pinny Arcade or TeeFury. This one I like a lot just because it isn’t tied directly to a specific property, it’s just a cool bomb pin.

Oh, whats that? You said you like cool pins? Did you know, much to my wifes ire, I made a bunch of pins of my pixel man that you can read more about here. Do you want one? Ask.


So what is the real value of this box?

Combined Retail Value: ~$31? add like 5 cents for the deposit on the T2 skull.

Even with the subjective nature of evaluating the values on exclusive items, this box feels like total crap to me. The shirt is something I’ll wear and the pin may come with me to PAX on my lanyard, but the rest of the box is give away at best. This is the worst box in some time sadly.

If this box interested you, I would recommend you join Loot Crate. And if you like getting free stuff in the mail, why don’t you drop us an email at letters@fantasticneighborhood.com with a question or comments or just say high along with your contact info, and we will be glad to send you some junk!

Linguist, Archeologist, Musical Savant, Robot, Asshat. Only one of these apply to this guy. The host of the show, who also sometimes writes and makes videos!