The best Christmas gifts you didn’t get

Like anyone else this year, you probably didn’t get every gift you wanted. You probably got some decent ones, some horrible ones (who gives CD’s anymore, amirite,) and a Google Chromecast, because literally everyone got one of those this year. It’s 35 bucks why the hell not. But you probably got some gift-cards and some money right? Well did you know that you can buy yourself the things you want in exchange for that money and/or credit? Goods both perishable and non! So in order to honor capitalism in this time of shopping bliss, allow us to present you a short shopping list of things you probably did not get this year but should!


 
Gift 1: Saru-metal
 
It is a well established fact that Christopher Lee is perhaps one of the greatest people on this earth. He’s Saurman, He’s Dracula, and now he has proven himself as the most METAL FUCKING PERSON ON EARTH. Not only does he have a band called Charlemagne that releases story driven symphonic metal, he just released a bunch of Christmas songs, re-imagined and sung by him. Jingle Hell just charted, making him the oldest recording artist to ever chart, breaking Tony Bennetts record by 6 years. I beg of you watch this video:

HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE HIM? You can get the songs on amazon here and here.
 


 
Gift 2: Peace and Fucking quiet
 
So this is often overlooked, but one of the best gifts you can buy yourself this holiday is time away from everyone else. Yea yea you love your family and friends. I’m sure they love you too but you just spend the last 11 and a half months dealing with their bullshit on an almost daily basis. If you are anything like me you have a list of shit that you want to do with very little time to do it. So this year instead of buying some new Quadcopter, why don’t you invest that money in a little “Me Time.”

There are two ways to do this. The first is to go rent a hotel room somewhere, pack your gaming console or Laptop, and get the fuck away from everyone. Just go. Leave a note on the fridge and go.

The second way is a little trickier. Send them away. Put them on a plane (This is where that gift money comes in handy) and say goodbye as they go off to the spa day you just bought them. Then run back home as giddy a school girl and as anxious as a school boy with an erection and do whatever the hell you want. Catch up on game of thrones, learn to cook, update the website you maintain for the podcast you run poorly, or just sleep.
 


 
Gift 3: Last Generation Games
 
So all these fancy new consoles are out, and they are the hot gift this year, but there really isn’t much available for them yet. So instead of blowing a wad of cash on a brand new next gen console, you may seriously want to look at some of the last gen stuff. Most platforms have a shit ton of quality games on them right now that you can have cheap as all hell. My recommendation? Go Portable. Pick up a brand new Nintendo 3DS (clamshell or bust) and some great but not recent titles like Paper Mario: Sticker Star, Sonic and All-Stars Racing Transformed, and the often overlooked and available for under $11 Aliens Infestation which you will totally thank me for. We played that one if your interested. We may have also sang it.
 


 
Gift 4: Catch up on shit
 
Did you play these games yet? If not you better get on it, they were all damn good, unique titles that really do something new within the videogaming medium.
Gone Home
Thomas was Alone
Home
Proteus
 


 
Gift 5: You already got enough, go donate something
 
ablegamersep
Last year we did a charity drive for our pals at AbleGamers. The logistics of running another one this year were a little bit too much for us to handle, but we have not forgotten them. They are a great charity who needs your donations to continue to do the good work they do, providing for differently abled gamers and providing accessibility advice and reviews for the industry. We interviewed Mark who runs the show about a year ago if you wanna know what they are all about, or you can trust us and just go donate.

 

That’s it. Go buy some stuff and have a happy new years!

Protoaddict
Linguist, Archeologist, Musical Savant, Robot, Asshat. Only one of these apply to this guy. The host of the show, who also sometimes writes and makes videos!